I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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