FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
