We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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