why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
