So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This gyro tastes like lonliness
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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