Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
