Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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