Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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