As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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