Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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