I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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