she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
