honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
