just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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