YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Randomize
