I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
