I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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