At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
