lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
