just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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