It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
