So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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