I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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