just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
