I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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