After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
