Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My vagina is very pro this idea
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
