So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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