I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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