Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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