Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you didnt know i had herpes?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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