His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
