getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
