he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
