Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
