Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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