Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
