So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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