it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
