how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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