I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
