He kissed a someone with a penis
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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