If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
