I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
