I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
