This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
