the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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