the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
