Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just want to make out with him forever
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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