Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
