Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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