READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
