And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
