He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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