whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
