I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
