yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
