I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My pussy is not your playground.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
