Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
