So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
