That's when you crack a 10am beer
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
